How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
