I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
