You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
