What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
