I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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