I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
