Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
