There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
