the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
