I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
