i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
