I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
sarcasm needs its own font
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
