you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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