Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
