Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
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she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
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40s are totally the cure
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize