I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize