Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
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