I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
