Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
