Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
