is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
