Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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