He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
