She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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