He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize