there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
