but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
