He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize