I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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