I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
