WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
