I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
