so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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