I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
