he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
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