that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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