Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
