This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
