I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
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