Duck Duck Cougar?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
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