please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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