My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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