i just google imaged poop.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
