I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
