Pants 0. Shit 1.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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