I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
