Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
