Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
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