Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
