I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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