You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
