Dual....:-)
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
