apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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