I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
