Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
i've created a new STD.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
