my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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