I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
