i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
