marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
