the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
