Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
