What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
