come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
