his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
