I want to walk on stilts...naked
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
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