things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
