i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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