ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
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I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
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I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
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