I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
