I looked at my own cervix.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
